Some singles think that being alone is kin to the plague, or the flu. They wonder why they don’t have a special someone in their life. They envision others saying things behind their backs like: “Why is this person still alone or not re-married? There must be something wrong with them.” Admittedly, that could be a possibility, but most likely, it is not.

Other singles hate the time they have to spend alone, and engage in a fantasy that someone will just drop into their lonely life and “make it all better.”

Katherine Russell Rich, in her “O” Magazine article, WHY AM I ALONE? (February 2005), ponders the necessity of that question and even its validity.

She states, “Start to pay attention to your thoughts when you’re freaking, and you’ll begin to see how often you’re getting flummoxed by unnecessary fear. The question, Why am I single? sends you in one direction and one direction alone: toward a zone of fear. The implication is, you’re failing. You’re in a void. That kind of thought is a trap.”

Her friend Sarah asked, “Has anything good and strong ever come out of fear? It’s a bad motivator. It always drives you into things that are wrong.”

Katherine adds, “For instance, and above all, the next bad relationship. Leap into another just to shore yourself up from the last, and a nasty cycle sets up. Because you’re in the new relationship for shaky reasons-to salve the pain from the first-the second’s pretty much guaranteed to fall apart. At which point, if you don’t step back, you’ll end up scrambling for a third that’s destined to self destruct.”

What About A Different Attitude?

If one were to stop and ask the question, “Is this where I want to be? You can give yourself more options. You can put yourself in a zone of expansive possibilities, by meditating on the fact that sometimes our interpretation of a situation is quite different from the experience.

By asking ourselves, “Why isn’t it okay to be alone?” What kind of answers will we come up with? The longer we spend time alone, the better we will be able to figure just what it is that we want for our lives. We do have much to say about what our new relationship will be and when and if it will be.

Where Does Our Power Come In…By Asking The Big Questions

Our power is reinstated when we choose to decide what is negotiable and what is not, in a new relationship. Alone, we may be surprised to learn things about ourselves that we did not know before, like:

1. “I enjoy arising slowly in the morning, not talking to anyone, not having to make

any decisions.”

2. “Shall I have cereal or coffee and a health bar for breakfast.”

3. The only person I am responsible for now is ME. Would that change if I re-

married? Could I handle that?

4. Am I generous enough to change all that, trivial as it may sound?”

5. Could I allow someone else to tell me how to spend the money I work so hard for?

6. Do I want to share the shower?

7. Do I have to cook every evening?

This isn’t about selfishness; it is about who we really are and how much we can bend to the wishes of another human being in our personal space. Are we capable of sharing that much again?

Only by being honest with ourselves can we know who it is that we are offering to that “special someone,” that we might hope to come into our lives. Could you love someone else as you would love yourself?

Finding Someone To Love, Instead Of Someone To Love Me

To quote Katherine again, “Generosity is a higher form of power, one that no one can give you but that you can freely take. Another friend did just that when she decided to stop telling herself, ‘I want to find someone to love me’ and tried saying, ‘I want to find someone to love.’ Not long after that, she did.”

By refusing to say, “I want someone to love me” and just finding someone or some cause that you think is worthy, to shower your love upon, a whole spectrum of options becomes available.

Radiate Love, Attract Love

Being a person of love and caring will radiate to those around you. Being generous with your talents and abilities, be it a volunteer position or just concentrating on being a friendly person to the stranger on the street, or in the office. A smile or “hello,” changes you and the way other people view you. Instead of you having to look for Mr. or Ms. Right, They will be looking for you.

Unknown to you, your generous spirit will be noticed. Others will observe you and possibly a person much like yourself will be in the admiring audience. - Patricia Hubbard